My mind is as scrambled as this post.
I don’t know where “it” is heading to.

The devil in me makes me do evil things sometimes. Evil things like losing temper, being foolish and being not wise.
God has given me this situation as a test so I could grow. But I have failed terribly. I am honestly defeated. At least I feel so at this very moment.

I do not feel supported, warmth or secured. Everything is luke warm… And it’s not doing me good.

I pray for guidance if I am lost,
I pray for health if I am not well,
I pray for peace, love and joy,
I pray, I pray and I pray..

I expect them to be on their way to recovery. However they both seem to be fine one day and got worst the other.

We had to bring Jude to clinic on first day of CNY at 4pm, he was given suppository and his throat was swelling. He was prescribe with augmentin too.

On 2nd day I had to lug a lot of stuffs along as we have 2places to visit before I could go back to my parents place for 2nights. 2nd night Manfred’s turn to develop again another fever.

HELP!!!!! As I am typing this, it’s the 3rd day, and I have decided to just stay home and have steamboat session as planned.. I want the boys to rest as much as they could to recuperate. No more visiting! Until they are all well again!

虽然今年气氛真的是麻麻底！到了三天前才有想过年的感觉。

达与澔都不是很舒服。希望他们快快好起来， 迎接新一年！

祝各位朋友龙年健康，财运滚滚来！

So he skipped school, whereby Jude went school as usual. Manfred napped for 2 hours and by 5pm I realize the rash EXPLODE AND SPREAD TO WHOLE BODY!!! HORROR!!!!!! Hub brought him to clinic. Doc suspect is food allergy. But I don’t think we have fed him anything he never had before!! Anyhow he has fever and itch and rash. He seems better after medication. Let’s hope he will be well again by Sunday.

I been thinking could be he loves school due to his kor kor is there. I assume if kor kor is under weather and skips school, I might have a crying 3yo refuse to enter school compound. Again my kiddo surprise me. Jude enter school happily as usual, even though he saw kor kor remain in car. (I told him kor kor sick an will not be going school, but it’s a Friday, so Jude will go on his own)

I peep from outside again, he remove his shoes himself and joined his classmate! Well, Praise lord and pray his enthusiasm sticks and he will continue to find joy in his learning journey at school.

In fact, most kids these day are that blessed… Isn’t it?

This year I bought only 2sets of CNY clothes for them. But see what I ended up with…… We have grandpa, grandma, gu ma 1, gu ma 2, Aunt 1, Aunt 2 etc whom bought new clothing for my boys. And all were bought in a pair….

Aw…. You guys rock… Now I can continue to dress them up in identical attire till they start to protest…

See the two stacks of clothing that exactly the same?

And another stack that are not identical..

Gong Xi Fa Cai ladies!

So true…..” We need endless remorse and reparation and apologies from our child before we willing to reconnect.”

Gotto remind myself….. Not to do it… Connection and healing and playing is important to children…..

Reading Playfuk Parenting by Lawrence J Cohen.

This year she reduce the sweetness and still taste as GOOD!!! I declare own holiday since Wednesday and first thing I do is go to bank ka ching and collect my pineapple tarts!! and I am munching on it as I type this post.

There is a good deal from this Hulala. This JJ Royal luwak can be found at BSC and it cost RM300 plus. Hulala selling RM218 only.

Seen this? Some school could have average 50 students, some only 30-35.. how do we choosE? How you choose? WHY?

Help! How do you decide where to place them in primary school? Private school is not an option for us now. Chinese school? National school? Why?

Chinese school or National school, do you pick the best school? or the one less packed? how do we know if the teachers there are ok? How we know if that is a school that is A grade? Is there such a thing?

Please, I need advise… DESPERATELY~!

During my motherhood experience,
There are incidents that brought by mu boys which at that moment, i was so close to denying they are my kids in public. I encounter endless embarrassing moment along with tones and tones of joys…. Few of the embarrassing plus Impression making incident was:-

Incident 1 – I pat on my bolster in the middle of the night thinking it was Manfred.

Incident 2 – I brought Jude to clinic when it was actually Manfred due date for immunization.

Incident 3 – Manfred poop in my hand and pants while I unbutton his pants to let him poop in LCCT.

Incident 4 – similar poop incident, Jude was on my lap at mamak, and he poop on my laps, pants, his pants and floor. Mega smelly, mega messy mega embarrassed! Thank lord we were only 5min away from home. And we became close acquaintance with the mamak owner. :p

What’s yours? Any embarrassing moments you experience as mother?

We do practice oral hygiene since birth. Yes since birth. Manfred teeth is not perfect but satisfactory. I been searching high and low for a child friendly dental. Had few contact but timing wasn’t right and couldn’t get an appointment of my desire slot. Until I read Sasha’s blog about JD. I got the number from her and We made an appointment for a tue 10am.

Smooth traffic, parking spot immediately and we were early to register ourselves. Jude was called first , both Manfred and Jude dashed right into the room, took a glance, Manfred decided he wants to stay outside for tv since it wasn’t his turn yet. Jude chicken out cause he interpreted korkor’s decision to exit the room as a “mayday” call.

In the end, I drag M into the room, and let doc lure him to ride on the “space ship”. Yes, the doc has her trick to make kids feel comfy and get on. She let M press the button and told him its button to control the space ship(the chair) and with the tv showing Cartoon, M bought it and hop right on. Just then, Jude saw kor kor on it, immediately he screams “my turn! My turn!”

Well sorry J, now u r second in line. Learn “patient”, and please know once the ship sailed, u need to wait for second one.

While doc checked on M’s teeth, she gave M a mirror to look at it so he knows what doc was doing. But M was more into the cartoon on screen. M had a chipped in his right central incisor(due to downfall at young age). He also had a small hole on his lower right cuspid. Doc just use a hand tool and clean the dirt, and did the white filling for M. Then doc shine the blue light on it to let the filling harden and set. M tooth was done in less than 10min time. And he was rewarded an angry bird sticker. He was happy and hop outside to continue watching tv.

With M off the “ship” J jumped up and down can’t wait to get on. Doc let J hold on a mirror as well, and begin to count on the number of teeth he has. Jude had 18 teeth plus 2of his 2nd molar half sprouted. His upper left central incisor was the big prob. It has a hole that was there since 1year back and it has been getting bigger. Also the gap between his upper central incisor need a filling. J upper lip was swollen, probably due to Falling also. (don’t ask me when cause he fall down everyday… Yes literally everyday.) Jude’s teeth took longer time to fill, there were 3spots to be filled. The upper central incisor, the gap between his central incisor and the back of the gap between his central incisor. He was very cooperative, and was the gap was first done, it wasn’t comfy and J could tell doc he wasn’t comfortable and doc use the drill to flatten it… To my surprise J didn’t complain a bit.. Just quietly let doc do her job.

But I could see his both palm all stressed up…. Exactly like myself. I get tensed up whenever I visit dental. After 30min spent and rm160 spent, we went home with 2angry bird sticker, 2happy boy with healthier teeth, and a proud mama. YES! Yours truly is deeply pleased that the boys made the experience a pleasant one.

Later they each received a box of oil pastel from mama for being cooperative in dental visit. After lunch at my favorite paramount Assam laksa place, I dropped them both to school.

Manfred, he is learning and loving to draw. I know there are many more kids that is much much more talented than him, I am just glad that he is confident enough to be drawing, anytime, anywhere and anything he wants.

Today we went to have quick lunch after our dental appointment. Which I gave him a piece of paper, and he went on and on saying he is drawing angry bird, which is daddy bird, mommy bird, baby bird etx, and he claimed the tall building was hard rock hotel, and it has swimming pool, and further up was the sandy beach outside the swimming pool compound bla bla bla. Of course many of you don’t know what he drew. LOL, but he was trying to express and re-tell the experience he had when we last visit hard rock Penang last school holiday…

I just love my boys…

I did some revision with Manfred throughout the holiday. Some mathematics, english writing, mandarin reading etc. I feel that boys generally pick up slower academically compare to girl. Anyhow, I am trying very hard not to make him too stressful. First day to school, SIL mention her nephew that is off same age as Jude, attending Kindie Q and said he can read now. and SIL had extremely good review on the kindergarten.

The moment I heard that, the “kiasu” part of me took over, I was a little tempted to check out the school and convinced that I should look for a “better” school. Luckily my mind calm down, and I was reminded that Wasn’t right. it’s not tallied with my objectives of raising my kids, they shouldn’t be placed under tremendous stress of academically driven environment. I should let him learn at his own pace and always acknowledge his effort in each and everything he does, and let him excel in his own chosen field that interest him…

Manfred is back to school for a week. Thank God he adapt quick to school schedule again. I misses them a lot as they are in school and work are back to full swing. But I treasure our time spent at night..

Oh yes, not to forget I have a top priority TO-DO list. That’s to check out primary school for Manfred.

To my HORROR!!! He greeted teacher good morning, took his bag and “Bye bye MUMMY!” ………………………..with a big wide smile………………………… and he never looked back…. *sniff*

WHAT?! Didn’t even miss me at all!!! Hm! I make myself vacant whole morning so I could be in school with him yet he made me so lebih! i still proceed to park my car and peek. He was playing happily.. with all his friends. Teacher told me to go home cause she feels Jude will not have problem at all.

Reluctantly I went home lo……. PIL pick them up after school dismiss. Manfred said Jude went to his class. I will call teacher tomorrow to see how is Jude doing.

Nevertheless, Jude you made mummy proud again. You used to be so so so mega super glued. And now you looked so grown, even though u r still tiny in size.. but you behave so maturely. Last month when mummy said mummy won’t be in school with you, you request mummy to stay with you at school. Mummy said mummy need to go work and will pick up after school. you looked puzzled, but somehow you picked up the message and you got the idea. TQ for making this such a breeze for everyone. And TQ kor kor for taking good care of you.

Enjoy my little 宝贝！

So when school holiday over and I brought Jude to his kindergarten orientation day, he was beaming with joy! Blur me I thought Manfred had orientation too! But it was fine, Manfred did a great job accompanying Jude in the classroom while I sit outside and see other kids dramas.

See… He was so happy to be in his uniform and his bag. He eyed on the McQueen school bag for so many months and we finally bought it for him in Nov.

During the orientation day, Jude did painting first. He refuse to put on the apron at first. But later when kor kor came to join in the painting session and wore an apron, Jude immediately request an apron for himself too. Looks like this little Jude looks up to his brother a lot! Imitate each and every action of his big brother!

See! Kor kor wear he also want to wear. 

Later he saw play dough, which is his favourite, so he quickly rushed to the next station. See how tiny he is… LOL

aaa

Very concentrated on his play dough session.

Later on teacher let them line up like a choo choo train and go for toilet break. Manfred accompanied Jude and I stay outside the classroom to wait.  Jude was amused with the idea of choo choo train and he likes it cause teacher keep singing lots of nursery rhymes. I know Jude loves it cause I saw him smiling all the way.

Singing song for Snack time! Jude look as if he was really bored.

Playing with puzzles!

Manfred the drummer boy!

Teacher later mark attendance. Teacher call Jude Law and seems like Jude doesn’t know it was him. He only respond to “Jude” or “Law Yan Hao”. hahhaah this is quite hilarious, when home i remind him that he has to answer when teacher call him “Jude Law”!!!

And Jude wailed big time when it’s time to go home. I guess 1.5hours session was way too little for him. He cried big time regardless of how I coax him.

When I first started with Manfred, he was quite reluctant, and I start to say short prayer in front of him, slowly he is more used to it.

Today before bed time I guide him to Say little prayer. When we are done, manfred asked me”mummy, who is God? Is he for real?”
I said yes, of course it’s real, God is our heavenly father, and remember that God loves us.
Then Manfred asked me another question,”how God look like?”

Well, I didn’t have that answer either, I feel God’s presence but I do not know how to visualize to him. So I ask him to pray to god that he wished to see God, and ask God to appear in his dream, I told him he needs to talk to God many many times many many days.. He buys it, then he says
“God loves me, Jesus loves me..”

And he dozed off. I guess prayer does have comforting effects, it does to me, and it does to my boys. Manfred is starting Sunday school soon, and it’s really important I do my part to instill Christianity practice at home also.

We met, we went into courtship, we fought, we broke up, we did silly things, we reconciled, we broke up again, reconciled again, and again and again then one day one of us realize we couldnt live without each other and decided to get married. Then went through the chaotic period of planning for wedding, booking of dinner hall, then couldn’t find, then my grandpa pass away bla bla bla, somehow we made it, and we are proud parent to 2very healthy boys.

Things is, in my past 5.5years of marriage, the first 4years was a super smooth sail one, with myself little bit carried away….. I forgot about everything in life is God given, and I shall not take credit for any of it. Of course I have my lesson learnt. I been through time whereby I thought my marriage wasn’t gonna survived, I thought about how I was going to go on as a single mother, divorcee bla bla bla
Somehow, we made it…….. I was so lost and things were that bad that I thought there will be no way of going back…..(bad as in no communication at all….. )

Somehow, I prayed, like a very small girl, cause I didn’t know how to pray, but I learn and pray, and pray and then learn again, and pray, and a relationship was established, between me and God…. And I cant possibly explain that feeling to you, cause it was exclusive, and you need to go through it to know exactly how u feel, no word
Could describe. But I am ever grateful to have Lord presence.

Came 2012, we were at a place high up enjoying fire work…with the boys. On our way back,
I told him:”happy new year dear!”

He replied:”happy new year, what a year! And we survived.”

Yes, we survived, we both know how
Hard it was, both know how depressed we were, but yes, we are both glad we made it. We survived it. And we held an even stronger bond.

I heard story of friends’ divorce news. Married couple that is at the edge of giving up the marriage, walk out of the marriage, taking time out, or want to take time out from the marriage, took time out and trying hard to reconcile etc etc………

Friends and family our there, when things are bad, trust me, we are never alone. We have God, and God had place many many people around us. That could lift a helping hand anytime, just ask for it. Many went through what you might be going through, they might not have told you, but they had…. And always believe, nothing bad that happen to us was meant to
Destroy……… It is always meant to built up something with even
Stronger foundation.