How r u

Right after an emotional roller coaster day, where I tears up for no apparent reason, you appear to comfort me…. All quiet… No talking… But being there for me….. Allowing my over flowing cup to spill to yours…. Regardless of how weary, how busy…. You never say NO to me… NEVER…….

I seems to have move on, I don’t always break down crying, I function well, i continue my everyday busy days…… I got it all in control… Or so I thought….. But we will never forget, the day you left us, the last 36hours……… While we were picturing how to bring u home after the surgery, you were already slowly slipping away, and we didn’t even know it”….sorry daddy…. I miss you…. The house is no longer the same without you…. I miss the peace, the sense of security, the unconditional love you brought… How you always stuffs us to brims… Make my favorite coffee…make my boys milo ais, with funny request to use baby cups…..bring Natey out to roam the neighborhood so I could catch a breather from a clingy koala…… You made me feel like a child…. Despite I was already in my 30s.. With 3 kiddos…. Only you could do that.. Thank you papa….. I miss u…..

Regrets

Pardon me if lately my post been rather…. *sad*
I’m grieving… And I’m having trouble grieving. I don’t know HOW TO. And I have lots of regrets, guilts, weird feeling ever since my dad pass away.

Every night before I sleeps, I cry… I flash through the things that happen, it haunts me. I knew I have failed terribly as a daughter.

When I read the book the 5 love languages of children,

20130614-231659.jpgsee the phrase in bracket: you may truly love your child, but unless she feels it………. She will not feel loved)

Then it got me thinking, have I been communicating my love to my dad? He had been a tremendous father to all 5 of us. I certainly felt very loved…. But after he pass away, I have doubt whether I have express my love for him….. That I regretted….

从今以后,谁让我任性?
当了妈妈,还可以时时刻刻知道有一个人永远宠溺我,那感觉很棒。。。也很美妙。。。

没有任何人的爱,胜得过父母的爱。。。
再也没有避风港,在我脆弱的时候嘘寒问暖。。。
再也不能在耍性格的时候,跑回家当小公主。。。
再也没有热腾腾的咖啡,
再也没有老爸咖啡馆营业,
连老妈子也因为老爸的离去,变的脆弱。。。

但小弟却一夜之间长大了。。。可能小弟也和我一样,知道老爸溺爱,耍性格。。。

谢谢爸爸你的爱。。。

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Lyn mumbles

School holiday is officially over. I don’t feel like sending my boys back to school…. I have wanted to have them by my side….

Today is also our 7th wedding anniversary. I actually forgot about it until my brother wishes me and hub happy anniversary.
Thanks dear, for the great 7years, and thank you for introducing Jesus to me.

As many plan endless activities, trips, art and crafts session, and other school
Holiday programme,
We spend ours at my parents place. M&J no longer says “ah gong” house. Now they say “ah ma” house.. Cause “ah gong” went to heaven already. “Ah gong” new house is at a temple….

I remind them to pray for “ah gong” daily, especially at church, so that Jesus will find “ah gong” and be with “ah gong”. They remembers, and just yesterday before we left after mass, both told me they were praying for ah gong.

There’s a lot in my mind, but there’s also a lot happening in my daily life that I have no time to think about anything.. I just Gotto learn take things one at a time….

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Picture taken on the last Sunday of May2013. We went dim sum with my parents. Papa looked so healthy and happy… But I know he must have a lot hidden in his stone heavy heart…

It was a beautiful memory of us with my parent… But I have wanted more…

Papa

Papa I miss you…..

During the day, nothing much has changed… It felt like as if you are still around, you are only 55min drives away from me.. But when the night comes, I will be reminded of the last 36hours I had with you… Then it hits me……. And my heart aches….

There is so much left unsaid….. I can only keep praying, and pray for you so that you will find your eternal rest in God’s kingdom.. So we might meet again…